i knoe, i shud start posting by now. its been two months of blank pages. will find a better post next time

Aku Bukan Lagi Yang Dulu

Adakalanya

Nurani ini berkata

Kejayaan ini adalah milikku

Namun

Adakalanya juga

Aku bagaikan

Sudah bosan dengan perjuangan

Yang entahkan bila akan selesai

Fikirku... biarlah

Arus waktu membawaku pergi

Hanyut dalam fantasi alam

Yang belum pasti

Namun kini wahai bangsaku

Sedarkah kalian 

Bahawa kini aku bukanlah

Seperti dahulu

Aku tahu

Perjuangan ini tanggungjawabku

Ia beban yang harus dipikul

Dan ganjarannya akan kuraih

Jua....kelak

Aku pasti.. kini

Aku adalah yang terbaik

Biarpun untuk kurangkul hasratku itu

Amat sukar

Amat getir sekali

Biarpun dihalang bongkahan bara api

Akan ku teruskan jua langkahku

Dengan tapak kakiku sendiri

Walau ia setinggi mana

Akan ku daki jua

Kerana matlamatku

Kejayaan adalah milikku

(Dipetik dari buku program hari anugerah kecemerlangan 

SMK Batu Muda tahun 2011)

My visit to England

Recently, I went to England for further study. I was in military school. at first I thought I wasnt fit enough and petite, that i havent met the physical requirement. but the instructor said it was ok, because plugging with army doesnt mean you have to be on par for a war. in a military system there are doctors, engineers, decision maker and even an accountant. so i decided to continue there. but I have to fly home within 2 month because the sponsorship board decided to. And if you noticed I even posted on my facebook info on me studying in England.. how cooooool eh.

Unfortunately it was just a dream. I dont know where the hell i got the idea of England and posting to facebook, with all those pumping and physical training. it feels so real. its like youre watching a 3D movie and the next thing you know, youre in it, starring as the main actor.weirdddd....

the boring wikipedia defines Dreams as successions of images, ideas, emotions and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages ofsleep..  yada yada yada.. buh buh ring..
i truly believe thers something behind dreams, that human had not yet explore and understand. that are influence by your daily life and what youre minds are up to.

In such cases, when youre missing someone so much and thinking of them constantly, the next thing you know, they'll appear in your dream. dreams are our half conscious mind.

Dreams can be very very convincing. dreams are apocalyptic. They can also be elusive. Some people might swear they never had one, while others have almost total recall of a great number of them and are able to tell back their dreams to others.

Apparently, we’re all quite active during sleep time. Scientists say that we sleep each night in 4 or 5, ninety-minute stages. It is during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage that we do our best dreaming. We have a dream segment approximately every 90 minutes. Usually though, we won’t remember any of them unless we’ve been interrupted and awakened while they were happening.

decision science

my form 6 journey has ended...
form 6 has taught me abundance of things. not only how to cope with life, but help me to grow.
after my form 5, i never really planned to go to form 6, neither did I denied the existence of form 6. I was neutral. i didnt had an opinion on STPM

now the journey has ended, and comes another phase in life. the university life. which we aren't discussing it here.
when my upu result was out, i was in a predicament. maybe bcos it wasnt my first choice. i opted for accounting at uum. instead I was granted a course, decision science. what the heck? what the hell is that.?yeah yeah. i knoe sounds odd, peculiar, not cool, not famous one,. in malay its called sains pemutusan.. i knoe it sound hilarious translating the word.. but yes the course exist.

in our country, it isnt yet recognised. at developed country, US, UK it is in the 'mainstream' course. we need decision maker in every aspect of life. whether in government sector, manufacturing, banking, investing, business and even in medical..when it comes to decision, people always thought trial and error is the best way. if u never try to work your plan, then you never know whether you'll succeed or deteriorate in your choice.. this in fact is wrong, for every decision a company or an individual have to commit, there is a scientific way to succeed, minimising the risk of failure that eventually could save billions of money, n generates billions of profits.

and it all comes down to the root of statistical, probability, mathematically.. desicion science is also known as operation research, industrial engineering and some other common terms. i havent done the complete research of this course, but im getting the idea.

some link that may be useful.

the next time, you read my post, its actually an automatically post i drafted. cool eh.

another typical day

this raya didnt felt like one.it was awkward, abnormal..weird.. dont guess, this is not another 'im a loser sad, pathetic thingy'. im enjoying myself being around family, visited my hometown, still receiving duit raya as people thought that i was 15.

the morning of Eid, the boys went for the raya prayers, or shud I call the MEN, theyre growing up fast. its still mint in mind the last time they were kids, i bullied them. calling them girls, mishmashing their toys at the living room n pointing to them when my parents came home. and everytime me n my sisters messed up our room, the blame all goes to the boys. how innocent of them.. IT WAS THE EASIEST WAY OUT FROM BEING SCOLD.

but this year 1st of raya there were no forgiving caremony like we casually did every year. and worst nobody attempt to seek for forgiveness..nobody i said..everyone was busy.. doing what..? i dont know... the women  were busy preparing dishes for raya, the men.. i realy dont know. n people kept coming to our house, there was no time for us family alone. i really feel bad. grrrrr..... it was just another typical day of our everyday live. for record i never had a family photos since 1998. to be exact it was 1998 of raya.
i'll continue writing later

n worst. my phone had gone missing, n i dont think i received text for raya. or be sending text.

selamat hari raya~~

sometimes to make people happy doesnt mean you have to leave a good impression or directly make them happy. get it? i knoe, I myself dont understand

diet la

AMARAN, MEREKA YANG BERHIDUNG MANCUNG, AWAS.. HIDUNG ANDA MUNGKIN CEDERA SELEPAS MEMBACA, YANG TAK BERAPA MANCUNG MACAM AK PUN, BERHATI2..

puasa ni la, masanya kita berkumpul untuk makan bersama.. pose ni niat nak bakar lemak2 yg terkumpul lama bertahunnya.. maka setiap kali berbuka, aku akan kurangkan makanan dan nasi diisytihar sebagai musuh nombor SATU..

dan mulalah mulut mak jemah dan kak jah mengomen... "amboi sikit amik nasi, diet ke?".. kemudian terpaksalah ak menipu wajib.. dengan mengreply "hikhikhik, tak lah. nak bajet lauk untuk esk, takut abis.....".. see, ak memang baik hati, jaga perasaan org.. ko hade?. takpe2 abaikn.. kenapa ak rase kita atau sebenarnya aku je yang patut diet.. 

kalau korang tgk gadis2 yg pakai baju ketat, korang ingat mereka rela ke.? hatuihh... bukan disengajakan okeyh, disebabkan lemak badan yang aktif membiak menyebabkan baju yg sepatutnya longgar menjadi ketat.. kaki yang dulu klcc, sekarang dh jadi taj mahal.. huduh okeyh.. sila take note ya, gadis yang saya sdgkn citerkn ini, bkn perempuan2 yg sengajakan..

disebabkan baju dh ketat, mesti korang ckpkan.. "hek eleh dia ni... beli je la baru...".hatuiiihhh... memang la beli baru, duit satu hal, nak cari saiz satu hal.. dan apabila ko dh pegi ke kedai nak cari baju dan seluar dan pergi fitting room utk test baju.. dan dapatii dooomm, takde size.. mesti ko rase murung dan tak bermaya, mesti ko rasa im the biggest loser asia..

keduanya, kesihatan.. hatuighhhh....ko ingat tak penat jadi gemuk.. ak sejak naik berat ni, nak naik tangga satu tingkat balik bilik dah rase mengah... rasa kaki lutut ni, tertinggal kat bawah, haahhhhhh~~ semput~~.. CPR PUHLIZZ..... itu belum tua lagi, kalau esk dh tua, dgn beratnya lagi, dengan kesan kerapuhan tulang disebabkan tak minum susu anlene yg provide 50% kalsium harian wanita.. fikirkan lah.

dan akhirnya, ko kena kurus supaya ko tak disisihkan rakan2.. bila ko nak main gelongsor, tiba2 time nak turun tu ko tersekat disebabkan tak muat nk keluar lubang gelongsor.., dan geng2 mak jemah dan kak jah akan gelakkan ko dlam hati( jgn risau mak jemah dan kak jah xckp kuat2 sbb diorang pn gemuk).. mereka cume berbisik dalam hati dengan girangnya, "ish2 gemuknya, nasib baik ak xgemuk mcmtu"...

ok. inilah motivasi ak untuk kurus, nama2 di atas takde kena mengena antara yg hidup dn mati... ade sapa2 terasa tak batang hidung sakit terkena..hehehe

al-fatihah to doctor Nora

assalamualaikum, i knoe ive declared to stop blogging. but i cant find a way to withdraw my feelings to people. im sad and mourning.. as the above title, i would like to remit al fatihah to the lost of DR Nora.. she's a mother to my fren, a blogger full of inspirational word. the first time i read her blog, it captivated my mind. her thoughts, how she describes life beautifully. her optimistic character just vows me.. i was hoping i cud read more.

semoga beliau ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 yang beriman. AL FATIHAH~